Made - Episode 43

 

3 months had passed by.

I sat by Grace's crib slowly c*ressing her belly an act that always lulled her to sleep. She was an angel. My only light in this dark stormy ride.

We had buried David a week after his death. I remember how graceful his remains looked in that piece of wood. Almost like he was just sleeping and he would wake up any second to see her daughter.

Almost.

Lloyd flown in to give his perfect inlaw his last respect.

Everyone loved David . Everyone lost David.

We all stood in that cemetery. My parents, Lloyd and his girlfriend, Racheal holding baby Grace, Peter side hugging a whimpering Mercy. Philip stood by my left side and on my right side stood Alicia. A few steps behind a young white man stood. His face looked farmiliar but i could not quite place where i had seen him before. 

I had always searched Rachael's eyes to see if she held me responsible for her son's death, but not even once did her face betray anything. Oh! How much she adored her grandchild. She made a tone of my work easier. All i had to do was breastfeed that little angel then she would cloth her, wash her and do every other thingshe needed. Sometimes i felt excluded.

The contractions were there but i was numb to the pain

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. All i kept thinking was that my pillar was dead cold and lying in a morgue. I don't remember pushing or all the labour process but i did remember how my heart swelled when she cried for the first time. All the numbness faded away and for a time there i enjoyed a mother daughter bond time. I held her in my arms.My heart warmed up. She was so tiny. Yet so perfect. I would protect her with my life. Then the thougt of her father's death came back and slowly my happiness faded in the back. I grieved for my husband. 

I was discharged three days after delivery. I had already given back the company property and bought a new home. When i walked into that home i found that Mercy and Philip had done everything to make sure all my stuff was arranged as the initial room. I was grateful. I took care of my child nutrition needs. I kept strong for her. I cried bitterly at times when the pain would overwhelm me. I would call David's name over and over again. I would tell him how sorry i was for dragging him into my life. I would talk to myself in a desperate attempt to feel better. It was so hard. Knowing death had taken him. There was no coming back to us. One minute he had been here and in the next he was just gone. I stayed with him every single day in that hospital watching as life slowly ebbed away from him yet his death caught me by suprise. No matter how much i kept telling myself it was going to be fine i felt the raw pain against my heart.

I loved my husband.

He had touched my life in a thousand ways i did not know were possible.

And now he was gone.

Gone never to come back.

Pastor Kenneth took us through the burial rights. All the while i kept flashing back on the good memories we had together. His electric smile, the smell of his perfume and the day Rachael had first caught me pants down ogling at her son. I felt like we had spent a minute together yet so much memories had been created. I appreciated how life was short. I was sure David was dancing with the angels. 

My sweet David.

I had poured in the first soil when his casket was lowerd then cried my heart out as i listened to the thud sound made when soil was thrown on top of his casket. He was gone for sure. Clutching Philip desperately i cried. My whole world was gone. Behind me i could here Alicia crying too. Pain took me into unexplored territories. I was the last to place my rose flower on top of David's grave. I knelt there and told him how beautiful our daughter was. How i wish he could have held on for a day only to see her. How i still did not understand what God's purpose was in all this. 

My family moved in with me. They did not want me to be alone. Alicia left for school from my house. My dad, mum and Rachael became my roommates. Philip and Mercy would pop up once in a while. The white guy who was present in David's burial would pop up in my memories but i never bothered to ask who he was. I was too consumed in my grief. 

Two months after David's funeral, Philip was moved to Germany to temporarily fill in for one of the company's official who had died unexpectedly. He came by my house when he was officially given the news. He had walked into my room that evening. Rachael was with Grace. I had been sitting by my window blankly starring outside when i felt his warm hands on my shoulder.

"Danielle i miss him so much."

"Me more Philip." I responded

"I never had a brother or true friend and that i found in him. I loved him so much Daniella. Life is not the same without him around. I cry to God. Asking Him why he gave us such a short time with him. I know its because of him the business we started together is booming. Everday as i count my profits all i can remember is him. Life has not been the same around the office without you guys. We would go to lunch together. Now we are only three. Peter, Mercy and myself and all we could talk about those eight months was you guys. I love both you and David. Danielle i have come to say goodbye. Am going to Germany."

I stood and held he held me as i weeped like a child on him.

There was no good in goodbyes.

Now a month had passed by since he left. Except for my daughter at this point, life did not hold much value. Nothing would replace my love David.

I sat there watching Grace who was now fast asleep. Rachael head popped up on the door way.

"A mail for you." She said walking over to me dangling a piece of envelope.

I took it and half-heartedly opened it.

Dearest Daniella

If you are reading this it means i have already gone to a better place. Don't you ever doubt that i loved you because i do. From the moon and back. I so much love you.

I wrote this as my spirit led me. While we were at our honey moon. It is me expressing my joy of how blessed i am to have you. You are everything i wanted in a woman. You are the one i want to spend every breath of my life with. You are the one my lady. I always knew you were the one. That day at your apartment it was His spirit pushing me to come and ring the doorbell in you apartment. He wanted you so badly. So i obeyed and came and suprise to me i met my life patner. I cherish you with every breath in me. I want to live with you, i want to fellowship with you, i want to worship with you, i want to experience life with you but as i write this letter Someone tells me it's time.

If there comes a tommorow that am never here, know that you are even more stronger without me because you have God. Don't be angry at Him for anything because He is perfect in all His ways. He is your strength and shield. Don't be afraid, He is with you.

Again i dont know why am writing this. My spirit led me to. I dont know how you will get to know all i have written here because it is not my intention to die soon. If God wills it, you will get it and that will be your cue.

I love you to the moon and back.

David.

Attached was also another letter.

Dearest Danielle,

Am so sorry for your loss. I truly am. I found this letter on my service car a day after you flown out of Israel after your honeymoon. I had been struggling with my spiritual identity ever since i had those small faith conversations with you. They changed me alot. It is like you guys gave me a different lense to view life with.

I contacted you company with the intentions of parceling David's letter to you.

Read " Ultimate Sacrifice " by the same author ( DORSILA ANYANGO )

. I did mail it until four months ago i realised that i had mailed the wrong letter. I contacted Philip and that's when i heard about what you guys were going through.

You guys showed me the path to the narrow gate. I decided to fly in and personally give you his letter. The day i flew in was the same day David died. Now understand why time had been playing with me. It had not been the right time to deliver the letter to you. Now it is.

Thank you for the light you guys shown me.

May Elohim keep you strong.

Yours Eyal.

I cried so much after reading this. This was far much greater than my own pain. I had neglected the love of the One who created all and nothing that was made would have been made if it were not fo Him. I picked my car keys despite Rachael screaming at me that i was not in a good condition to drive.

After a twenty minute drive the church came into view. I packed my car and rushed inside only to be met by Pastor Kenneth at the door.

"Pastor i need your help." Said me to him.

"Welcome home," said he to me "We have been waiting for you."

******The End*****

A single chapter of the Epilogue still awaits.

Stay tuned.

Toda.

Dorsila.