Made - Episode 42

 

I was due anytime now.

David had not woken up since the last surgery he had. About seven months had slipped by while he remained in his coma. It was hard. I sat by his bed everyday holding his hand purposefully to feel his warmth. I missed his active presence, i missed his crushing hugs and i missed his electric smile. Day by day i would sit here and watch him grow paler and paler . This disease was slowly draining life out of him. I was horrified of the prospects the future was dangling at my face.

Anger was slowly stirring inside me. I did not get it.  God works out everything for the good of those who serve him. Really? What good would possibly come out from me being a widow or my unborn child being an orphan? David was a faithful follower of Christ. Trials would be there, i knew that. But wasn't the troubled past he had experienced not enough of a trial? Wasn't Kim and Maggie's revenge on us enough?  My faith in God was dwindling. My emotions and fear were taking turns in spinning my head out of control. My faith was gone and so was my hope. This mutiplied my sorrows and fears a hundred fold. I absolutely had nothing, nothing to lean on. He had been my rock. When it all started i would remind myself what David would say if he was awake.

"Have faith, God is in control."

But those moments were far gone

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. Even my prayers were so dwindly. I struggled to understand why. I knew all the answers that i needed to my faith questions but i was now having trouble believing them. 

His hospital bills were paid of by our insurance. I had to resign from work. Mercy and Philip were not happy but what was i supposed to do? I had to be there for my husband and my unborn child. The bussiness Philip and David had been running was bringing arbnormal profits. I felt like it was compensating for all the troubles we were going through. My cyber cafe bussiness was also doing quite well.  

It hurt me to watch my family torn between wanting to console me and refraining from it. Maybe they were not sure what to tell me that would actually make me feel better or maybe they really did not have anything to tell me. It hurt to see them hurting with me. It hurt to see them enduring with me. 

Five  times i had gone into the prayer room and found my mum weeping with David's name. Crying her heart out. One night i had overheard Alicia weeping and when i took a peek i saw her crying on dad's shoulder.

"Am afraid she won't be able to handle it." She said to my dad amidst tears. I wasn't sure what she meant but i had a rough idea all together. Tha hardest of them was Rachael. I could not face her. I felt responsible for what happened. Every time she walked in i would walk out. If only i had not interfered with their lives, David would still be alive. I had brought this on him.

I would give her space with her son then go cry my eyes out in the prayer room. It took everything in me not to go full blown crazy.  Caleb always said it was a miracle my child and i were in perfect health all through this trying period. I had a few alarms here and there but i faired on exemplarily given the stressful situation i was in.

I spend every bit of my time with my husband. I had stayed in that hospital despite everyone pleas that i should go home. I couldn't. My home was lying in an hospital bed slowly ebbing away.

***

It was in the month of August. 

I was sitting on his bed, squeezing his hand gently feeling his warmth. I had done this on a daily basis and it had quickly turned into a habit. I would softly mumble things to him. How i missed him, how nothing could be the same without his active presence. That was when it happened. 

I felt his hand twitched.

My heart stopped for a minute there while my brain tried to register what was happening. Did i just feel my husband's hand move? Maybe it was my own mind playing tricks on me. I dismissed it.

Then it happened again and this time he spoke to me.

"How is my favourite people on earth doing?" He asked weakly.

Unable to respond i moved even closer to him and laid my head gently besides his pillow. I felt his hand gently rubbing my stomach.

"We are fine baby. You are awake... you ...are....awake...."   I said amidst tears.

"I know baby...but you need to listen to me..." He said in a rather serious but  weak tone.

I listened. It was all i could do.

"You are strong and you can do this for the both of us."

Confused i shot up from my pillow. 

"What do you mean i can do this? You are here with me ... we can do this."

"Baby permit it to happen, i have to go now, my carriage awaits." He said with a dreamy look on his eyes.

When Caleb tried to come and check his vitals he raised his arm and Caleb did not take a step further.

"I have always heard you when you try to talking to me, God. Your faith is so messed up babe. But you are stronger than this. I have to go because it is time but it is not yet yours. You have to stay. In 3 years time, you will find the one who is going to take care of both you and the baby. Build on the relationship you had started with God. It is of the utmost importance."

He coughed a bit.

"I love you both."

Not accepting still i shook my head.

"But i need you David.. we need you."

"God wants it to be so baby.  Its time." He said. A tear slipped off the corner of his eyes. 

"I love you more than more." I said still in denial of what he was trying to communicate to me.

He squeezed my hand and smiled then closed his eyes.

David gave up his ghost.

I heard the sound of the machine flatlining.

Caleb edged closer.

"Danielle we need to..." 

"I need time with him." I cut him mid sentence.

He stepped out of the room closely followed by the nurse. Alicia nodded then followed suit. She had been around because of the holidays.

I stared at David's body. 

The love of my life was gone. Out of this world. He was actually dead.  I was a widow and my child an orphan. This couldn't be. Just like that? God you can't be serious. After all this? No, no no.

I grabbed his body and screamed his name severally. Unlike the David in the coma, this one was without life, dead. The more i screamed his name the deeper the silence grew. He was gone beyond my reach.  I regain composure and straightened the sheets he laid in.

I laughed slightly and with tears slowly seeping off my face i began talking to him.

"Remember the first time we met? You bringing me that pamphlet. Who would have known we would end up here? I remember everthing because i cherish you best sweerheart. Who am i supposed to sleep in my bed with? I miss waking up with you and going to work together. Babe we were solid, we were one. How can we be seperate and i live? I have never met anyone beautiful. Both in and out as you. How can you say i would even dare fall in love with another.?Am lost now. I don't even know how to trust a God that would snatch you away from me. Tell me how.

Read " So We Got Married " by the same author ( DORSILA ANYANGO )

. Baby you don't do this to people you love..." i rumbled on.

At some point i paused. I talked, laughed and cried for a period of an hour. I needed closure. I needed to understand why. I could have died in place of David. When i couldn't say anymore. I stared at his body for another thirty minutes.

I slowly arose from where i was seated. One thing was sure. Dark days were ahead. Caleb and his collegues coverd the body. As they left the room that had been David's home for the last nine months, My water broke.

*****

Author's note 

Heey.

So David died.

Am sorry y'all.

Toda.