Made - Episode 4

Compulsion

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Hello beautiful people its your girl Dorsil and i hope you are enjoying this story so far.  If you do dont forget to.

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Letting go is not as easy as you might think. It is twice as hard if you are like me . Remember that time that you are on the lift going downstairs and you are not sure if you really locked the door and you just have to go back and check only to find its locked which is just what you always do because you are way too paranoid to leave it open anyway?  Or that other time a bird poed on your hand and even after washing it you could not bring yourself to use that hand for a week? And how you cant just get out when it rains because of that feeling in your system that come as a result of the murkiness? What about the many times you submitted your report late because of that one thing you always have to do to your reports that is not really important? Chances are you have OCD or OCP  (Obsessive compulsive Disorder or personality) So what are you saying Danny? I have OCD so letting go is like walking on pins to me.

I stared at the food on my table unable to eat what i had orderd.  Mercy was already done with half of the french fries on her plate

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. Kim had called earlier that day and hurled insults. I had developed this habit of texting him with hope he would reply my messages and we could work thus thing out.  Yeah right.? Believe me i know how crazy that sound especially after that dream.

I kept on playing with my food lost in thought of how and why. Mercy had redirected Kim's calls to her phone so that i would stop bieng tempted to send those text to him.

"I thought i told you to stop sending those text to him. It is the whole point of redirecting his calls to me.  Why cant you just stop?"

Truth texting him with the hope of things getting better between us was just a pipe dream. Kim was way too selfish to allow any one be in his life.

"I've lost my appetite " I said rising from the table as calmly as i possibly could. 

"This discussion is not over. You cant run away from this Daniella!" Mercy shouted at my back as i quickly left the restuarant.

My face was burning and i could feel my eyes welling up getting ready for an out pour. I fumbled through my purse in search for an handkerchief while struggling to keep everything inside. I did not notice the person coming from the opposite direction so i bumped onto him.  My purse and its content scatterd on every direction. This is that point you feel like screaming blue murder at someone simply because it just feels good,  well i couldnt. Insteadi i squated and shoved the scatterd items into my purse in frustration. I didnt apologise or acknowledge the guy i had bumped into instead i just fled from the scene.

Opposite the restuarant was beautiful garden practicaly empty at this time of the day. I briskly walked over and secured a good spot. Within no time i was storming and whimpering all over. I was deeply absorbed in my tears when i didnt hear the click of Mercy's heels as she approached where i was. 

She settled on the bench beside me. 

"Coming to think of it you are not as much in love with Kim as you might think, atleast not as you were with Caleb. You are just scared."

Why would she just leave me alone. Oooooh, Just let me pity myself for a bit

"Scared. Scared of what." I couldn't even bring myself to look at her.

"You had built this fantastic future around the prospect that Kim would always be there for you. Charming, handsome, financially stable Kim.  Except now charming Kim is not charming anymore because he dumped you."

I burst into uncontrollable tears and she just continued . 

"You feel like the world has been ripped from under your feet and now you are so scared. You are alone. And do you know what my scared lonely friend does? She goes back to eat that piece of cake she left and when its half down her throat  the effects of the poison slowly taking control _ But she still goes back to eat that piece of cake over and over again hoping this time it will be different."

She paused and sighed. I lifted my head to look at her while starting to wipe tears off my eyes. 

"Its sad almost in a funny way. Its like watching you inventing a thousand waus to die hoping for a less painful death."

She had never been more right in her entire life. I could read truth and wisdom into her words. She was both glad and suprised that she had said those words to me as i was.  

"I can't help it "

"I know texting Kim at times when you are low and lashing out to him seems like a good idea, but it not."

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    Gracious
    First to comment! Waohh, I love this story. Next episode joor
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