Let It Go - Episode 26

 

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  MADDY

  I am so dead.

  Ever wondered at any time what you would do if you had just fee minutes left to die and you knew it? Forget about those stuffs you say you will do, you won’t be able to do much.

..The fear of death is one thing, the fear of life after death is another.

  Can I describe this? It is worse when you know you are killing yourself and scariest when you probably know you are going downright hell.

  The room shook so much, I thought the ground would break. I managed to hang by the door and closed my eyes.
They came back to me, the cries of my mother from behind locked doors at night, with little me banging on the door ferociously with those small fists.
They all suddenly stung, al the beatings I got while I tried to protect my mother from those beatings.

  I see them all, all the wounds that my mother nursed on her body and mine, how I cried loud from the pain.

  They came back, all the bedroom noises and sounds my mother and I couldn’t shut out while my father had sex with his prostitutes in the bedroom of himself and my mother.
How my mother tried to convince herself and me most nights to go up and sleep because daddy is busy at work, so he won’t come early while we both know daddy’s gone to the bar again and will most certainly come home drunk.

  And finally, the day my mother couldn’t take it anymore and barged into the room while my father was busy shameless doing his thing . How I cried so hard for her to leave him alone

All episodes of this story can be found here >> https://www.ebonystory.com/story/let-it-go

. The sounds, I can hear them all now. How my father pushed her and she fell to the ground.

  I rushed to her and shook her severally to let us go. We had decided to leave daddy tomorrow anyway, so she should stand. But she never did, and that was the last I saw of my mother. I cried like a dam was opened in my eyes. I watched as my mum was lowered to the ground some days after as little me stood a far distance away from the whole drama.

  I remember as my dad poured sand on her coffin and I was called to do the same. 

“She killed herself!” I shouted to the pastor. “Why didn’t you do something before she died?” I asked with questioning eyes.

“You don’t talk to the pastor like that! And respect your mother at least, if he's mt  not God” my father had shouted at me that day

“Don’t talk like you fear God!” I shouted back at my father “if you had just a little bit of respect for my mother, she won’t be down there” I started to walk back to the house because she was buried inside the compound.

“Come back here, daughter” he instructed.

  I stopped in my tracks and walked back to him. He looked relaxed when he saw me turn back. I stood right in front of him and looked straight into his eyes.

“Do these eyes look like those of your daughter?” I scoffed “You just lost your wife, but you lost your daughter a very long time ago” I said as a matter of fact and walked back to the house.

  Since then, my father never brought ladies home, but came back home drunk every night. I never cared about him, neither did I mourn my mother since her burial. 
One night, my father didn’t come home. The next day, it was his corpse I saw at the police station. Did I mourn? No.

“It was high time he left anyway” I said at the police station “His daughter died a long time ago and his wife just died. I will call one of his relatives I know”

“Aren’t you a relative?” one of the officers asked.

“No, I guess I used to know him” I had replied, hatred written all over me.

  Just like yesterday, all these memories flood back to me and I fall to the ground, my hand clutching my chest.
One day, Nancy inquired about my scars

“Where did you get these scars?” Nancy asked, trailing her hands on my skin.

“I fell a lot while I was young” I replied, 

“You must’ve been very troublesome niyen o”

“Who knows?” i smiled to cover up the bitterness in my eyes.

  It was later she got to know what really happened

“Your hands aren’t soft at all” Kennie once said to me one day on a date.
  
  Yeah, that was the end of the date, though an Ice cream apology did wonders.

  I smiled bitterly.

  Will I still see those people? How will I forgive in a day what I have held on to for years?

  For the first time in forever, I properly mourned my mother and well, my father too.

  I heard a crack. I suddenly raised my head, inching closer to the door.

  Am I… am I going to die now?

  The whole place turned so dark that I couldn’t see myself.

  Then, a thunderstorm started. It started to rain and the wall started to crumble. 
The ground started giving way and the thunder and lightning didn’t stop.

  Save me!

  I couldn’t move myself. I kept staring at the horror before me.

“Don’t hate your father” my mother said, looking lovingly into my eyes “He has chosen his path, you have to choose yours”

  She told me that frequently, and it is one of the reasons I hated her after her death. Her voice echoed in my ears

“We don’t have to look like what we have been through or what we are going through. Our status makes us victorious” I can hear Nancy’s voice

“When we love God, we want to make him always happy. No better way than to obey his commandments” Tessie once said during a Bible Study session in school.

“The man n Christ is never a victim of circumstances, He is a master of circumstances. We are gods” Ken really likes saying that.

  Daddy, mummy, you have done enough in my life!

“I let them go” I scream

“Mummy, I let you go for leaving me behind. Daddy, I let you go for killing myself and my mum and for eventually killing yourself. I only hope we can meet in heaven, if I don’t go to hell now.”
  
  My body shook ferociously. I looked back and saw the ground was already parting very close to me.

Read " Once Upon A Lie " by the same author ( Gracious )

. I lean against the door.

“I forgive them! I swear I do. I forgive all those that have hurt me” I shouted. 

“Please, please don’t let me die here. I’ve done what you want me to. I let go of all the wrongs dome to me. It’s not easy but I do. Won’t you come back and let me out?”

“Let me right my wrongs, please. I let it go. I will learn to love all from…” I was cut short by a fall.

  Shock? I didn’t have enough time for that.

 I closed my eyes tightly. 

 I guess I let myself go too.

SO THIS IS TOUCHING OO. SO... THE TITLE OF THE SONG IS "STILL" AND THE VERSION I HAVE IS THE ONE BY HILLSONG. GIVE ME A HI IF YOU LOVE HILLSONG! hihihihi