From The Eyes Of A Spinster - Episode 7

 

The trauma of being raped or s-xually assaulted can be shattering, leaving you feeling scared, ashamed, and alone or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, and other unpleasant memories. But no matter how bad you feel right now, it's important to remember that you are not to be blamed for what happened and you can regain your sense of safety and trust. Recovering from s-xual trauma takes time, and the healing process can be painful. But with the right strategies and support, you can move past the trauma, rebuild your sense of control and self-worth, and even come out the other side feeling stronger and more resilient. #FACTS#

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"Kai mazaa! (Hey man), I met one girl the other day. All my thought was she was the same girl I saved not knowing that they are triplet" Mansur said to his friend Aliyou.

"You can't be serious!" Aliyou replied, shocked.

"When I saw her, I was busy blabbering thinking she's the same girl. I should thank God she didn't get to slap my ugly face" Mansur was now imagining how terrible her slap would be.

Aliyou rolled his eyes at Mansur's last comment and punched him so hard on his shoulder. "If you call yourself ugly then what am I?" He asked.

"Handsome of course" came Mansur's reply.

"Common, I hate lies" Aliyou replied before standing up and dusting the back of his trouser. 

"Believe me, you're handsome" 

"Keep lying" they were now laughing, "So...?"

"Am seriously hungry right now" Mansur said, his hands on his grumbling stomach.

"Glutton! You're always hungry all the time. This one your wife has suffer. I wonder how she'll be able to handle a glutton like you. Sai ci ba auki (eating like thermite)".

"Aliyou, you know I can beat you black and white right this instant right? Don't piss me off!" Mansur warned him, adjusting the sleeves of his shirt.

"Ahh! should I start running? This one you're showing me all your arms, now am really scared" Aliyou uttered teasingly.

"Wait till I get married, there's no way you'll eat in my house. Ugly dude!"

"Whatever. Am marrying your sister, So I have nothing to worry about"

"What? Hell no! Why will she marry a glutton like you?" Mansur asked in a serious tune.

"The same reason why one of those triplets is going to marry you" Aliyou said between chuckles.

Shit!

"What are you talking about?" Mansur asked raising one of his brows, "Don't you dare start that joke with me Aliyou haydar, else I'll give you a dose of your own medicine!" Mansur snapped at him.

Aliyou couldn't hold his laughter. Damn! His friend is always insecure when it comes to ladies, but these past few weeks, he has always been talking about the girl he saved... and when he came to know they were triplets, the obsession increased.

"What? I was only stating a fact here. You have been talking about them nonstop so I was just curious that's why I said so".

"You're so annoying man!" Mansur said walking towards their shop.

"Yes, and am still the best friend you'll ever have. And also the best inlaw ever!".

Mansur said nothing and proceeded to work.

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"It can be extraordinarily difficult to admit that you were raped or s-xually assaulted. There's a stigma attached. It can make you feel dirty and weak. You may also be afraid of how others will react. Will they judge you? Look at you differently? It seems easier to downplay what happened or keep it a secret. But when you stay silent, you deny yourself help and reinforce your victimhood"

Sakinah replayed those words over and over again. She wrote them three years back in her diary and right now after eavesdropping, she couldn't help but to go through it. And the pain was back, even though it was still there and has never left, this time around, she felt it like never before.

"It's common to think that if you don't talk about your rape, it didn't really happened. But you can't heal when you're avoiding the truth. And concealing the verity only adds to feelings of shame. As scary as it is to open up, It's what will set you free" Mama rabi said behind her.

Sakinah jumped up from where she was seating down. What is Mama rabi talking about? Could it be that she knows...?

She looked up to see tears rolling down from Mama rabi's eyes and she felt her heart breaking into pieces.

"I know that I shouldn't have gone through your things. But you are suffering alone Sakinah, which is too bad. You have two mothers for goodness sake, if you can't open up to us... then to whom are you going to open up? We are all here for you Sakinah, and By Allah we'll never leave your side, we'll never judge you for what happened. All we will do is fight for you and make whoever it is suffer. But you have to open up my dear, you have to do so" Mama rabi said soothingly, holding both Sakinah's hands tight in hers.

Sakinah broke down completely, and without knowing how it happened, she hugged Mama rabi so tight.

"He forced himself into me. Mama I didn't do anything. I know I look odd and stupid, and no matter how hard I try to hide it, it's still showing. Sometimes, I just wish for death. This dunya (world) is so scary Mama, so Scary" She cried.

Mama Rabi held her tight before saying "Yes, this dunya (world) is scary. But that doesn't mean we should lose hope and not fight for our rights. Sakinah, In Shaa Allah (If God Will) we are going to fight for you. Now I want you to tell me who did this to you. When and how?"

Sakinah inhaled deeply. Maybe this is the right time to open up, maybe she should just tell Mama rabi. That way, she might be at ease. She looked straight into Mama rabi's eyes and felt all her fears vanishing. And without knowing how or where the confident came from, she found herself saying.

"Habeeb did it. I was only ten" Mama rabi could feel the anger and pain at which the words were spoken. Even thou she was calm, but one could tell, from the way she was speaking, how pained she was.

Mama rabi was shocked beyond words. Even thou she has her hunch. But she was hoping that maybe she was wrong about Habeeb, maybe he wasn't the one. But NO, she was wrong about everything.

"Habeeb?" Mama rabi asked even thou she heard her.

"Yes, Habeeb did it" Sakinah replied firmly. Why isn't she crying? Why is her heart less heavy?

"Sakinah. Do you trust me?" Mama rabi asked.

Sakinah only nodded in response.

"Then I want you to start a therapy. I've already booked for the doctor and everything. You want to fight Habeeb? You want to make him suffer? Then start by taking a therapy" Mama rabi said in a pleading tone.

And for the first time ever, Sakinah accepted help regarding her trauma.

                 ***   ***   ***

It was an early bright monday morning. Today will be Sakinah's first visit to doctor Faysal. Mama rabi purposely choose a male doctor to see Sakinah's reaction. She needs to overcome that fear.

And as she knocked on the door of the Doctor's office, she made a mental note to fight for herself.

"Good morning Miss Sakinah. Please do have a seat" The doctor welcomed her with a smile on his face.

Sakinah felt odd. This was the first time she'll be talking to a guy apart from her dad or her lecturers in school.

She sat down, and the office was awkwardly quiet.

"Do you want any of your family member here with you?" He asked slowly.

She shook her head negatively remembering Mama rabi's words to start fighting that phobia alone before any of them can help.

"I'm... I'm okay sir" She stuttered.

"Tell me what happened that day Miss Sakinah" The doctor said looking straight into Sakinah's eyes.

And the worst moment came. She hate remembering that day, She hates talking about that day. Instead of answering the question, Sakinah zoned out!