Unattainable Perfection - Episode 28

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***** WILLIAM'S POV

I run my fingers through my hair in frustration, pacing the length of the room.

Mr Dante's expression isn't any less.

It mirrors mine.

Alexa's been missing for three hours now and she's nowhere to be found.

She run out of the house after she saw the pictures on the Facebook page.

I run after her but I lost the sight of her.

It's five pm already and I still can't find her any where.

We both are not used to this environment and I wonder where she could possibly be.

Is she okay? Is she hurt? Let her be okay please.

"Excuse me"

I turn at the voice.

It was a policeman Mr Dante had arrived with after I told him about what happened.

He had brought the police officer to take Lydia into custody and not grant her bail for the time being.

"Do you have her?"

Mr Dante asks and he nods.

"Good. Please do not allow her any visitors . From the text messages on her phone,It's obvious she's working with someone and until we make her tell us everything, we can't let her go"

I explain.

"Sure. I'll be taking her away now"

the officer replies and walks out.

Soon, we hear the police van drive away and I sigh as I collapse into the couch.

"Where could she have gone?"

The lawyer asks me.

"I don't know

All episodes of this story can be found here >> https://www.ebonystory.com/story/unattainable-perfection

. I just don't know. I wish I had a clue. Just a tiny one!"

I grip my hair again.

I can't even describe how I'm feeling right now.

Anxious, frustrated, restless, scared.

Damn it! So many emotions at once.

I can't even pinpoint.

But there's one thing I'm sure of and it's the fact that I just want to see Alexa appear before me unscathed.

"Have you checked everywhere?"

Mr Dante's question snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Yes. Everywhere. Her room,all the other rooms, kitchen, storeroom, the outhouse, the pool side, even the beach and...."

I pause, springing up from the seat as realisation dawns on me.

"I haven't checked one place."

"Where?"

"The gym"

I answer and before the lawyer could ask me more questions, I dash out of the house through the backdoor onto the backyard where the gym was.

Lo and behold, I caught sight of Alexa on a treadmill.

Her legs were moving on the treadmill at an abnormal speed.

Her clothes were soaked in sweat and her face was staring out the window.

Like she was thinking.

For how long had she been working out in the gym? Mr Dante steps forward to speak to her but I grab his arm, shaking my head in disapproval.

"I'll take care of her"

I whisper.

He stares at me for a while and then nods.

"Fine. I'll be in the living room. Call me if you need anything"

he says.

I nod and watch him exit the gym, shutting the door behind him before I turn my attention back to Alexa... She still hadn't noticed my presence.

I step closer to the treadmill and touch her hands that was rested on the board.

She flinches at my touch but says nothing.

"Hey"

I say softly.

She still doesn't acknowledge my presence.

"Alexa?"

I try again.

Still no reaction.

I sigh.

This is gonna be more difficult than I imagined.

"Alexa listen..."

"Go away"

she cuts me off without sparing me a glance.

Her voice was unusually low and hoarse.

It's like she had been crying for hours on end.

"Alexa please at least let me.."

"I don't want you here. Go away. Leave!"

She cuts me yet again.

I shake my head.

I'm not going to leave just because she asked me to.

I'm f*cking staying right here.

"No."

I say and that's when she turns to stare at me, a dead look in her eyes.

"What?"

She asks, as if daring me to repeat my answer.

"I said no. I'm not going anywhere"

I repeat and she reaches out to press the stop button.

The treadmill stops moving and she gets down, moving dangerously slow towards me.

When she gets near me, she stops directly in front of me and then pushes me back harshly.

Her action was so unexpected that I stumbled backwards.

Before I could regain my composure,she pushes me yet again and I stumble.

"Why? Why won't you leave me the f*ck alone huh?!!"

She screams in my face.

"Because I care"

I reply.

She stares at me for a while and then burst out laughing.. I've always loved the sounds of her laughter but this in particular was a mocking one.

She was mocking my answer.

"You? You care?"

She asks like it's the news of the century.. She laughs mockingly again and I begin to feel hurt.

A lone tear escapes her eye and she wipes it away furiously.

"You William Wilson? Care? About me? News of the century. You care? The one who almost r*ped me? The one who treats me like garbage when he wishes? The one who disguised himself and changed his identity just to take revenge on me? You call that care huh?!"

She screams in my face.

Guilt floods my system as her words hit me like a moving train.

"Alexa"

"Shut up!"

Wham! A thunderous slap lands on my cheeks and I stare at her in shock.

Before I had time to recover, she slaps me again.

Again and again.

I don't bother to fight her neither do I bother to stop her.

I know she doesn't mean it.

This is her way of unleashing her pent up anger and pain.. If resorting to violence is her only way then I'll accept all her slaps gladly.

She continues to slap and hit me until her slaps become less painful.

She grips my shirt and looks at me.

"I hate you.. I hate you.. I hate myself"

she rambles in a tired voice.

My heart breaks.

I pull Alexa close and hug her.

She struggles out of my hold but I'm not gonna let her go.

Not when she's so broken.

So fragile.

"Let me go! Let me go! I hate you! Let me go!"

She screams hitting my chest continuously.

"No! I won't let you go! Not ever"

I pull her tighter.

She struggles until she gives up wrapping her arms around me as she finally breaks down crying, clutching her chest hard like she's been shot.

I blink.

A tear falls and that's when I realise I'm crying too.

F*ck! I can't remember the last time a tear escaped my eye but today?.

Damn it!.

"Alexa,I'll find out who did this to you. I swear."

She begins to pull away and I let her go as she begins to speak in a trembling voice.

"I hate myself Will. Look"

she pauses and then grabs them hem of her shirt and pulls it off revealing her bra.. Seeing those scars on Facebook was bad but seeing it in reality on her body was worse..

"Look at all these scars Will. My entire belly and thighs were bandaged when I woke up after the night of the accident. I don't know how I got these scars Will. The doctor told me the scars were created intentionally by a pocket knife. Someone did this to me Will. And it's one of the reasons I have panic attacks. Just look at me William. I'm so fat with a body full of scars. Scarface,that's what they call me. I've been trying so hard. I've tried so hard. I reduced my eating habit. I've tried but nothing seems to be working. Just look at my face too. It's totally disfigured to the point I can't go out without covering my face and the day I forget, people either stare at me with pity or disgust. I have to go out wearing long clothes to cover my body. My mother left me. Even my father left me without warning and I Later find out he has children who are only two years younger than me. And the kids I thought were my stepbrothers were in fact my blood brothers and they're fighting me over inheritance. How much do I have to endure. how?!"

She screams frantically,her lips trembling as fat tears roll down her cheeks uncontrollably.

She looks so broken.

Like she's been hiding her pain far too long.

I blink again.

Another tear escapes me.

I'm crying. For a woman.

Her pain is tearing me apart.

Alexa speaks up again before I can reply

"I'll...I'll be back. I can do it. You'll see"

she moves back to the treadmill, puts it on start, increases the speed and then begins to workout... What is she doing?.

She's obsessed with attaining perfection.. Someone has to explain to her.

"Alexa stop. Get off that machine. How many hours do you want to workout? You won't lose weight in just a day. Let's talk about it please! Alexa!"

I scream.

She ignores me yet again.

"Alexa stop it!" 

Okay, that's it.

Walking towards her, I drag her off the treadmill.

"What's wrong with you Alexa? You wanna die?!!"

I scream in rage and she backs away, whimpering.

I cuss realising what I just did was wrong.

Taking in deep breaths, I cup her face with both hands and force her to look at me

"Fine. You want to lose weight? That's okay. You want to feel better about yourself, that's OK. Henceforth, I'll go jogging with you every morning. I'll prepare you green smoothies or lemon water everyday. But please, just do this one thing for me,don't starve yourself to death. Will you do this much for me? For me Alexa?"

I ask pleadingly and another tear falls.

I wipe it with my thumb.

"Do not cry Alexa please. It breaks my heart. I'll help you. You don't have to go through this all alone. I'll find the one who posted that picture and rip them to pieces. I'll help you but I won't sit back and watch you develop ulcer. I'll help you but I want you to understand one thing. What you crave so badly for,the perfection you want so bad is unattainable. Perfection can't be achieved. Because we all have flaws. You claim you're not beautiful but do you know what true beauty is? True beauty is what you make it to be. True beauty is when you know your flaws yet you flaunt them with confidence.

Read " The Last Virgin " by the same author ( eliza )

. All those pretty girls you see out there, it's the confidence that gets them going. Do you know how many girls out there like you are constantly searching for stretchmark creams and buying waist trainers or whatever it's called just to look slim? So many girls out there go In for surgeries to enhance their br*asts or butts. So many go through liposuction, just for the doctors to remove excess fat from their body with machines just to look perfect but you Alexa, are pure, kind, sweet and beautiful inside and out. These scars do not define who you are. You determine who you want to be. You rule your life Alexa so f*ck society! Do not let what society says about you get into your head. You're you. Perfectly imperfect. You're beautiful Alexa. So hear me when I say, you define your own beauty and you Alexandra Wallace, are my perfect kind of imperfect and I wouldn't trade you for anything in this world." 

***

This episode is centered on depression as you must have guessed from the hints I've been dropping regarding Alexa's abnormal eating habit.

I don't know how this episode was for you but for me, I had to channel some emotions since it's a part of my life I had to write.

Yep.

I've been depressed before and trust me when I say it sucks. It all started just like Alexa when society and friends began to make unwelcoming comments abd making me feel lowly of myself.

Later I'd find myself in front of the mirror questioning myself and worth.

It was so worse I refused to go outside my home for months unless it was extremely important.

And as for suicide, it had crossed my mind twice or thrice.

So You who is reading this, just believe in yourself.

Do not let society define you because they'll always talk no matter what.

Negative comments go a long way to mess with your brain so anyone talk bad about you, give them the middle finger and be yourself.

Because only you have the power to define your own beauty.

Depression sucks, and it kills faster than HIV/AIDS.

So I'd say, believe in yourself because you're worth more than you'd ever imagine.

Well, with that being said, what are your thoughts on this chapter?

Good morning.