Embedded Roses - Episode 5

 

*_Dedicated to Amina Abimiku (cocomeena)_*

_AMIINA_

I focused my gaze on the book lying beside me, my eyes already watery from the continuous staring. I blinked them a little which made it possible for the tears I've been trying to hold to slip out, and just like that, as if I was waiting for a signal before i let my dam loose...i broke down completely. Not bothering about if the book get wet or not, I just want to cry out the pain i feel inside, want to let them flow out along with my tears . My heart twisted in an unbearable pain, and i couldn't help but touch that very spot...it felt....heavy.

     Why? Why are people unfair? Why is life unfair in particular? For the past two weeks i haven't been myself, i was trying so hard, fighting against the feelings only to make them worse. This is something that is emotionally drenching me. Loosing a fiancée for the second time. Why? All because i am a sickle cell warrior. But,i didn't bring it upon myself, i never wanted it. And if my life will be shaped my way, then i wouldn't have been a sickle cell patient. I would have been as healthy as every single person out there. I would've gotten jaafar all to myself! I would've been more beautiful and pretty, i would've shaped my own life, set my own rules, draw a line across my territory and be a Happy little girl as free as a bird. But No! Life doesn't work that way, Allah shaped my life this way, he made me who i am today and i am at his mercy

All episodes of this story can be found here >> https://www.ebonystory.com/story/embedded-roses

. I am nothing without My Lord and i will be nothing without his help and benevolence. Everything in this life happens for a reason, who knows? Maybe me being a sickle cell patient is my gate way to jannah?.

     What is the use of all these worldly materials if at the end of the day I'll suffer in jahannam? Its worthless! And no matter how beautiful or pretty i was in this dunya...it won't help nor save me on the day of judgment. Was it my fault that i had to be a sickle cell warrior? Why can't people out there understand and feel my pain?. I am the one who suffers when am sick, who gets heart broken when rejected, who feel hurt and have a weird feeling that I'm not a part of this dunya due to the ridicule.I am the one who takes medics and injection just to be better, go through series of pain right from back ache, to knee ulcer, chest pain and many more, but it seems like nobody....i mean nobody wants to realize or understand my pains...its...so...heartbreaking!. BEING A SICKLE CELL WARRIOR ISN'T A CRIME. YOU HEALTHY OUT THERE IS NOT BETTER THAN ME...AND WE HAVE THESAME VALUE IN THE EYES OF HIM (ALLAH) EXCEPT he who is better than the other spiritually.

But, why does it seem to always hurt me? Why do i feel hurt when ever I'm referred as a sickle cell patient?. The event which took place last two weeks flashed back into my memory for the hundredth time since i woke up as i slowly rest my head on the study table in front of me and drift into thoughts...tears still rolling down my cheeks.

*
FLASHBACK

I was sitting on a plastic chair im front of our house, tapping on my phone and beaming with smiles. I was chatting with Mujaheed and i couldn't help but laugh at the words he sends me. But his last message made me blush so hard!.

     _"Well i found a woman, stronger than anyone i know. She share my dreams i hope that someday I'll share her home. I found a lover, to carry morethan just my secret. To carry love, to carry children of our own. We're still kids but we're so in love, fighting against all odd...   I know we'll be alright this time. Darling just hold my hand, be my girl I'll be your man.....i see my future in your eyes. I love you so much"_.

I sometimes wonder if he's a poet or something else. Sometimes he'll compose a peom and send it to me, or write it and when he comes over to see me...he gives me an envelop which smell alot of his cologne with a heart drawn all over it. Mujaheed is one hell of a lover. I was so engrossed in my little fairy land and didn't even noticed when a car parked just a little beside me. What brought me back into my senses was  the re sounding slap i received on my right cheek. WTF just happened here?. I quickly look up only for my eyes to lock up with another four pairs of eyes...which are red and a look of hatred linger around them. Who the hell are they. Out of respect, i bent down a little a greeted the eldest woman only to get a scrawl as an answer before she spit right in front of me. What is happening? She has a little bit of Mujaheed's face on hers. Could she be? No, i doubt it gaskiya.

     "I hope everything is okay?" I asked slowly, trying to be polite even after the re sounding slap i received without knowing my crime.

"Ubanki ne alright din". The lady who slapped  me said angrily "Just look at yourself... I wonder if mujaheed is blind when he choosed you as his life partner. Just look at yourself Amina. You look like a piece of sh*t!". She shouted on top of her voice. That was what caught usman's attention and he rushed out to see what was happening.

       "Talk to her hajiya. Tell her to get away from mujaheed. Inba namiji da hauka ba...what will he so with a sickle cell patient when I'm alive and healthy?". She said again.

Usman held me tight in his arms as tears rushed down his cheeks, today  i can't even bring myself to cry...i just couldn't. Mama rushed out hearing lots of commotions outside. "What's wrong?" She asked as soon as she was outside.

Mama walked up to us and gave out a chuckle "Madam, i came here to warn this stupid thing you call a daughter to leave my son alone. He's sound and healthy...i see no reason why he'll marry _jaraba_ into our family when he has a cousin as healthy as he is. She is not capable of being a member of our family...we never have a history of sickle cell in our family and she won't be the one to ruin it. Stay away from Mujaheed".

     Usman hugged me tight in his arms again as he kept soothing my back. "She's not the one that brought it upon herself. And if Allah wills, he will also inflict it on your family with or without my sister being a member of your family. We leave in peace". Usman said before grabbing mama by her hand and walking towards the main door. He seems to be the only one strong among us. I can't say if am even in my right senses. All i know is that i was being led into my room!. I passed out!.

   "Amina" mama called slowly as i open my eyes welcoming the lights penetrating into them "are you okay?" she asked concerned.

I felt light headed, but as soon as i sat up, i felt a sharp pain at the back of my head. Oh Allah! Not this headache again please!.

      "Did i pass out?" I asked slowly.

Mama only nodded in confirmation while my eyes roam around the room, that was when i noticed papa and usman sitting by my left side. "Are you okay sis?". Usman asked

     "Yes little one". I replied ruffling his messy hair "I'm all good and also strong". I added trying to look strong.

Read " My Priceless Jewel " by the same author ( Murjanatu Alkali )

. I don't even want them to bring up what happened.. Its a bygone to me already, and so is Mujaheed!.

*

I sighed heavily and wiped my tears. This crying has to stop. Am back to school and have to concentrate on my studies not silly issues like this. Wait...are they silly? Uugghh! Now, i don't even know my feelings!. I stood up from the chair and my eyes caught up with zarah's.
    
      "Whenever you are ready to share your troubles..am right here to listen". She said sadly.

I was about to reply her when my phone buzzed. I looked at the screen only for it to make my heart beats increase. Mujaheed...i.rejected the call and made my way to the restroom only to be stopped mid way by a message.

    _"Ignoring me or shunning me away won't make me back off Zaujatiyy Mujaheed. For your kind info...what you are doing is making me love you more and want to fight for us the more. Stay blessed....Ana uhibbuki"_.