Ajike (Book one in the Battered Wives) - Episode 5

 

"Do you remember my first miscarriage?" Nusaiba looks at me with glazed over eyes, by now my eyes were dry and the occasional sniffles was the evidence that I had shed any tear. 

"I was ten weeks gone, I had just had a sonogram when I had that miscarriage, I had it in Ogun state so I had no idea I had gonorrhea."

I remember the way I cried in Abeokuta when I realized that I would not be holding my first baby in my arms twenty eight weeks later. I was willing to do anything to have my baby stay but it was all lost already. 

"I was battling Jinke's infidelity at the time so I thought the miscarriage was due to stress . I remember all those times when I he'd go away for four days at once and I'd not hear a thing from him."

The baby monitor in Nusaiba hand beeped signalling one of her children was awake. it's usually my Goddaughter, Zarah, she's usually the troublemaker. I motioned for her to sit back and I went to pick her up, I walked back to Nusaiba with the one year old in my arms, yawning.

"She was wide awake when I picked her up, she must have just dozed off earlier, "

Nusaiba hisses and stretches out her arms to take her from me, she loving pinched her bottom and Zarah squealed loudly, flailing her hands and feet, I looked at her and she reminded me of my own Kulthum, that would have been mine if she hadn't been still born. 

Kulthum would have been One year old, she would have been in my arms like this, flailing her arms around. A lone tear works it way down my cheek and I reach out to wipe it away

All episodes of this story can be found here >> https://www.ebonystory.com/story/ajk-book-one-in-the-battered-wives

. I smile at Zarah whose dimple had popped whilst smiling at me. 

Thirty minutes later Zarah is fast asleep in my arms, turns out all she wanted was water. I look down at her in my arms and think of how Kulthum would have been like, would she have been beautiful like Jinke or would she have had my dark skin. 

"Àjíkè." Nusaiba calls me softly. 
It's her own way of making me go back to my story.

"After that miscarriage, suddenly Jinke stopped going around. He apologized to me and I accepted it. It was like to me Allah had answered my prayers, He had truly answered me but I didn't ask specifically what I wanted. I should have asked for him to return to me without any S-xually transmitted diseases, because he returned with gonorrhea. He already knew because he was always taking antibiotics, I had no idea, I had no idea what he'd done ".

I looked at the sleeping Zarah in my arms and again fresh pain surfaced in my chest, I went through my memories of holding nineteen week old Kulthum in my arms, she was born blind, still and to top it all, she had been taken out of me via a cesarean section. 

I had held her small frail frame in my arms for about a few minutes before thrusting her into Jinke's arms, May Allah forgive him. 

I sunk into a depression, for almost two months I couldn't go to work, I couldn't eat or sleep. My mother cried everyday but she never knew the truth of the matter. If she knows now perhaps it would take the sting out of everything. 

"After that miscarriage, my doctors recommended I stay off trying to get pregnant and focus on getting better, Jinke chose to have me use contraceptives instead of abstaining. Now he has the audacity to get someone else pregnant, who gave him that right?!" I screamed,  wanting tears to trek down my cheeks in a hurried pace, as though to meet up with my boiling temper. "who exactly gave him the effontery to go and try to have a baby?!"

Zarah's little hand grabbed hold of my belly button and instantly I felt calm. Very calm.

Nusaiba's face is concorted in anger and she's gaping like a fish. I smile. Very brightly. 

"Are you surprised?"

She holds out her hands, motioning for me to come closer, tears fall from her brown eyes rapidly. I smile to dissuade her tears, I've cried enough. I won't be doing so much of that anymore. 

"Medically, trying to get pregnant will be disastrous for my baby, he or she will be born blind."Nusaiba's tears are still fall rapidly, many times I tell her things are fine, they are not.

I've learned over the past few weeks, that marriage is to be enjoyed not endured, you can't have issues from your husband or in-laws and expect to be happy.

Many times, Women think that their husbands should be the way Jinke is, outwardly romantic, religious, handsome, comfortable and educated. 

They might never believe that Jinke is a reminder of things that should never have been. 

"Nusaiba, I'll be attending the wedding. I'll be there." I smile at her, my words make her look at me in astonishment. 

Left to me, I'd never had gone but my mental health is more important than anyone in this whole world. It will be closure for me, Complete closure. 

"Will you come with me?"