Palm lines - Episode 1

 

Erika's POV

"Who have I offended?" I yelled on top of my voice. I was standing on the church altar. I went to church because I felt frustrated to the point that i couldn't bear it. I couldn't bear the pains any longer.
I needed to talk to God. I felt like he was turning deaf ears to my prayers and I just needed some conviction that he still exists.
Some evidence, maybe!
 "God have I offended you?" I asked rhetorically. It felt like slander but I just had to put it all out there.
 "Even if I have, just talk to me the way you talk to Papa Ezekiel" i paused, Papa Ezekiel was my general overseer of my church, Gospel life ministry. 
 "Let me know where I've gone wrong cause I'm tired" I fell on my knees.
"I pay my tithe, I sing in the choir, Lord I inconvenience myself to serve you but I just have one question for you," i paused, "Why am I still single?" I continued increasing the volume of my voice.
There was no one in church, it was past seven on a Saturday and the sanctuary keepers had not come in yet . I didn't even care if anyone overheard me that moment. 
"Is this some sort of curse? I have prayed to you, if it's a curse, take it away! Didn't your word say you wish above all things that thou prospereth even as our soul prospereth? Why am I still a God-forsaken thirty four years old single lady? God it's unfair! You're an unfair God. I have served you for so long! My younger sister is getting married next week and I'm still single" I added cleaning my tears but it kept on pouring down making my effort look futile.
 "Okay fine" I paused,  "I am not a virgin, I already apologized and I came before you oh Lord and the Pastor said you have forgiven me but let's be honest, I know that you haven't forgiven me

All episodes of this story can be found here >> https://www.ebonystory.com/story/palm-lines

. Perhaps, you're definitely holding some grudges against me and it's unfair. Aren't you supposed to be a merciful God?" I snapped.
Blasphemy! I thought for a second but I didn't care if I got struck by thunder, I just needed to air my views and opinions to him. 
I was beginning to doubt his status as the "All knowing God". Couldn't he see that I was suffering?
How can a God be aware that my little sister will be getting married and not do anything to save me from shame.
I was tired of being single. I needed some sort companionship. 
"Is it not Chioma that has committed a lot of abortion that i felt I was better than that has gotten married about to have her third child but me that has decided to keep myself and remain celibate because of how much I respect you God. What do I have to show for it, nothing!" I thundered.
"Absolutely nothing!" I emphasized.
"I can't remain this way any longer, please just help me find the right man. I want you to prove yourself to be God right now in my life." I stretched my hands at the roof. I've heard testimonies of persons taking drastic actions and testing God or threatening him. 
I decided to give it a shot.
"As I'm going out like this ehn, let me meet the bones of my bones. If not, I'll leave the choir, infact, I'll leave the church"  then i got down from the altar cleaning my tears for the last time then i picked up my bag. Slowly, I walked out of the cathedral.
Dorcas, my flat mate followed me down here as a result of the state I was in. I walked out to see her still waiting in front of the church.
" I didn't think you would still be here"
"I couldn't leave with the way you left home, you looked potentially suicidal"
"I told you I was going to church"
"It might be to say your last prayer and the kill yourself" she answered and I scoffed. I wasn't thinking of committing suicide yet, the thought has never crossed my mind; not until that moment.
"Are you done blaming God?" She asked and i rolled my eyes.
 "You don't understand anything Dorcas"
"What's there not to understand?"
"You're only twenty five years old and you're currently writing your masters, how old were you when you graduated? Twenty two? And you're not even attending master's classes; you're paying to have everything done, your parents and families are filthy rich and you have a boyfriend you like. Me on the other hand, i don't have any, in fact I don't even remember the last time a man called me on the street to make advances at me"
"Abeg stop exaggerating!" Dorcas snapped and I gave her an earnest look. "You're not joking?" She asked and i hissed.
I couldn't recall the last time a guy stopped me to have a discussion with me or even get my number.
There was a time in my life when I would get advances from four or more guys in a day. Those days I had suitors, now it's all gone; gone are those glory days!
"So no one has even... " Dorcas whistled to signify if no one has even whistle to get my attention, and i shook my head. 
"That's very sad" She replied and I forced a smile. 
"Story of my life dear" 
I never knew Dorcas cared so much about me until that moment.
 I was still getting to know her.
She has only been living with me for three months. A friend of mine linked her to be my flatmate since she needed a place to stay for a while before settling down. Her master's program was only an excuse to leave her over-protective parents.
"Why haven't they called you? You're not a bad person" she asked dwelling on the topic of my pathetic life.
"Shebi?" 
"You're a nice lady, you're very good and you're an amazing cook and you have a shape to die for. The only thing is that you dress too mature" she commented looking at the pleated below the knee gown I wore. I felt insulted but I didn't let it show.
"I'm tired already, of what use is dressing nice when no one appreciates it" I complained. 
"I better go home and rest" i added. 
"It's a Saturday, you can't afford to be down" 
"I need to rest"
A car horn took Dorcas' attention away from me and I turned towards the car. 
"That reminds me, my uncle promised to take me out." Dorcas smiled, I knew she wasn't being entirely truthful.
"Okay, while you were letting out all your frustration out, I called him up to take me out, but I told him I'll be going with a friend."
I turned towards the car again, "No way, I don't want to impose" "You won't be imposing. My Uncle is really cool"
"There's no point insisting Dorcas"
"Why?"
"I have to do my laundry"
"You'll use the washing machine, how long will it take."
"I want to do it the manual way"
"Erika!" She yelled.
I want in the mood to meet anyone's Uncle. I'll do anything to about it.
"Bye Dorcas, have fun" I hugged her then I walked away. "Seriously?" I heard her chip in.
"Erika!" She yelled but I simply ignored her.

I slouched into my room, fell on the bed where I resumed crying. I was tired of crying but the tears kept pouring anyways.

*****
Saturdays are for weddings and this one was Ugo's wedding... My younger sister's wedding.
I was born into a polygamous family of thirteen. My mom being the first wife had four girls. My eldest sister, Ada, I'm the second child of the family ; Ugochi the third, well technically she would have being the fourth if we didn't lose Akudo. She was just four years when what seemed like diarrhea took her life.
Ugo was only twenty nine years old, getting married to a consultant in an estate management firm. I watched her smile all through the ceremony, Ego the fourth sister, was her chief Bridesmaid. I knew she would soon join the married team soon. She was already twenty seven years old and her boyfriend Paul looked like the serious type.
 The Pastor in charge of the procession was literally a clown! He made me laugh even when I didn't want to.
Even at the reception I had to keep smiling but i had tears building up, you might be wondering if it's tears of joy for Ugo but it wasn't.
 I was heart broken! I was a freaking thirty four years old woman who needed a man but can't get to keep one, get one to be attracted to her.
I don't even look half as attractive as I did ten years ago or even three years ago. Ugo looked so pretty in her wedding gown. I began to ask myself one crazy question, when will I finally get to put on my own wedding dress? 
I felt tears trickle down my cheeks then it landed on the red purse I held where I sat. I looked around to make sure no one saw what had just happened.
 Then I motioned my hands to clean the tears off my face then I heard my niece say, "Aunty are you crying?" 
"Crying?" I asked now gently patting my face dry with an handkerchief, so the make up will not wipe off my face.
"Why would I cry?"
"But you're cleaning your tears" she insisted and I rolled my eyes. Tammie might be eight, but she isn't the kind you can fool easily. "It's the make up" I blamed.
"So now you're admitting to the fact that you were crying" she added and I tightened my fist cursing my elder sister for begging me to babysit her.
"Are you crying because aunty Ugo is married and you're not married?" She asked and I opened my mouth in shock. 
"Tammie!" I shreiked. 
"What? Mommy talks about it everytime, even Grandma does. Who doesn't talk about you. Everyone is worried and waiting for you to get married" 
"Tammie"
"I'm also waiting for you to kiss a man in church"
"kpuchie ọnụ! (Shut up)" Vera yelled. Vera was my best friend, a good family friend, a successful doctor and a single mother. I've known her since I was in secondary school.
I saw her waving her hands and dragging Tammie's ears as though warning her. I didn't even know what she was saying. 
I was still in that moment of insult. 
I should be used to it by now. Mom would have said worst but hearing it from an eight years old child only because I've been made a daily topic of concern, I felt really bad.
"Go and find something to do" Vera demanded, "But mum said Aunty Erika should baby sit me"
"Madam go and look for your mom" she snapped and Tammie walked away. 
"Why does that girl talk like a parrot?" Vera asked and I shrugged. "I think it's her name that's affecting her" she answered and I faked a chuckle.
"I can never name a child Tammie"
"Same way I feel about Vera" I faked a smile.
"Don't even give me that fake smile" she folded her hands. "You're thinking of what she said right?" 
"Vera, I'm tired" I heaved a sigh at the same time witholding my tears. 
"Don't you dare cry Erika"
Suddenly tears forcefully poured down. I didn't even realize I had started crying. 
"Erika don't even embarrass me, you'll ruin your make up oh." She paused looking left and right to make sure no one was coming. 
"You better blink that tears back in or else I'll run and act as if I don't know you" she threatened, "I swear I'm not the one doing it, I don't even know that I'm crying" I answered  now cleaning my tears with an handkerchief. 
Vera pulled me aside. 
"Pull yourself together damn it! You're a grown up woman!"
"Exactly why I'm crying" I busted into full tears this time" 
"Oh my God!" Vera stood akimbo glaring at me, I wasn't sure if she wanted to beat me or console me" "I can slap you right now, do..do you... do.. you believe that?" She stammered through the question.
"I'm tired, I just want to go home"
"And how would that make you look like?" She asked, "Erika, pull yourself together, it's not the way you're looking at it. Things will get better. Who needs men anyways?" 
"I've told you countless times. You don't need a man."
"I need a man! I'm counting down towards menopause, I need to have my own family. Mom wants me to have my own family"
"All your mother wants from you is for you to give birth before menopause. Have you heard of IVR? Sweetheart, who needs a man when you can have a sperm inserted and in nine months you'll have an offspring. How many times do I have to tell you. It's the easy way out"
"Without a man by my side? I'm a teacher how would I explain to the world, how will I explain to my mother, my family, to the church?"
"I have my beautiful son thanks to that IVR and I don't owe any God forsaken human being any damn explanation. Screw them to hell"
"And what would you do when he starts asking of his father? Vera, I'm curious. What would you do? Or youu won't owe him any explanation too? How would you tell him he's a product of a borrowed sperm"
"Now you're just insulting my son" Vera pulled back.
 I knew I had hurt by saying that, "Vera I'm not you and I cannot be you. You're shameless, I have shame, we're not the same! Please let's not have this discussion anymore" I yelled and she nodded.
"Vera!" A cousin of mine called out. He had Vera's eight months old son in his hands. "He's crying already" he paused looking at me in horror, probably horrified by my washed off contoured face. I turned my gazebat him back cleaning my tears. 
"Thank you Godwin, someone called him a product of a borrowed sperm" Vera conversed with him.
 "But I don't care, after all, I'm shameless" she added leaving with Godwin.
"Vera!" I called out to her but she ignored me.

I just made my best friend angry, can the day go worst than this? I thought to myself.
 I tried my best to avoid my mom, my son was to avoid insults but my best wasn't enough. 
"Shouldn't you be assisting with the serving of food?" she asked and I gawked in shock. Of course several persons have been assigned to do that. It shouldn't be in my place to do that. As if the shame wasn't enough. "Mom, I thought they hired servers for that already"
"So you cannot find anything useful to do with your life"
"Like?" I asked, "Like, situate yourself around the drink corner to make sure that people don't take more than one drink"
"Jesus Mama! Just say that you're trying to embarrass me nah"
"Embarrass who? You? My dear you're already doing a good job embarrassing yourself" she hissed. 
"Aren't you shame of yourself? , Don't you have the slightest shame cause me oh, I am highly and heartbreakingly shaming for you"
"Stop marriage-shaming me mom! Stop it" I stomped my feet on the ground, "What do you want me to do, what? Should I kill myself?" 
"Oh oh oh.... So I'm the one you're shaking your body like that for, oh so we are mates now" she scoffed. "I don't blame you, it because you're starting to look more older than me that's why you feel like you can act like this"
That statement pierced deep into my heart. If words could literally kill, I would have dropped dead. 
I felt weak! I thought there was nothing I have heard from her until this day. If I didn't know better, I would have doubts concerning my birth.
I cried.
"What is she doing?" Mom asked, "Crying would not solve your problems. This party is full of men of good Calibre; go out and hunt for a husband before Ego gets married before you" she paused almost in tears.
"Do I..." She paused again. 
"Why must it always be you Erika? You! You! You! Who graduated to become a teacher when your sisters pursued better professions? You! You're still shamelessly unmarried. Are you a lesbian?" She asked and Ego Interfered. 
"Mommy!" She hissed. 
"Stop all this!" She added and Mom walked away. "Aunty Erika, don't even pay attention to Mom" she advised and I walked away. 
"Aunty Erika!" She called out but I walked away. I didn't need any 'Don't listen to Mama, God will do it in his time' bullshit speech.
I needed a time away from all this madness. Just then I saw Ada coming from the other end. "Didn't I tell you watch Tammie for me?" She asked and I scoffed. 
"You had better watch your daughter for youself, i didn't give birth to her for you neither am I your daughter's keeper" I snapped. 
There was a brief silence. 
She was probably trying to let it sink in. "Don't you think that was rather uncalled for?" She asked and I realized I had just disrespected my sister.
"I'm sorry" I apologized.
 "You all make it look as if I'm jobless, like I have nothing good to do" I blurted out in tears and she hugged me then she withdrew looking at me with so much worry in her eyes.
"Tammie said she saw you crying"
"Why would you all gossip about me in front of her" I asked and Ada became speechless. "First of all, we don't gossip about you" she emphasize on the 'gossip'.
"You know very well that Tammie has a bad mouth and big ears too."
"So you guys go around talking about me; since you don't want to use gossip" I continued and she chuckled.
"We're constantly worried about you" "Worried about me or worried that I'm not married"
"Well...." She shrugged. 
"Erika you're thirty four years old"
"I didn't need to be reminded of my age, thank you very much Sis." I answered sarcastically. "Are you even dating?" She asked and I shook my head.
"No one wants me"
"Why?" She asked, "I don't know" I answered in tears. "Maybe because I'm no longer pretty again"
"Don't say rubbish! You're still pretty. We're all pretty, it's a family gift" "Mom said I look older than her" I sniffled and Ada laughed. 
"You know how that woman always get. She's just worried about you" "Well she has a very nice was of showing it" I gave another sarky comment and she laughed. 
I also joined in. 
Ada let out a long sigh. "I know a lot of single men, I could hook up up with one or two. Even some of my husband's friends"
"I don't want John's friends" I disagreed and she laughed.

Read " The Picnic " by the same author ( Essien Eno )

. "I have someone in mind. He's really nice, you'll like him, I promise you" she held firmly.
 She sounded excited and I gave a half nod. 
I wasn't sure if I'll love the idea of a blind date but I decided to give it a shot.
"Okay" I agreed and she gave me that big smile. "I'll give him a call" she answered and I nodded.
 "I want to be alone" I requested and  she placed her palm on my cheek. 
"Try to be happy" Ada walked away.
I needed a strong drink that moment so I got myself one. I wasn't the drinking type. I get drunk from even drinking a bottle of beer. 
The next thing I knew, i woke up in bed, in a strange room with a bed sheets over my chest. Suddenly I looked beside me, there was a vacant space. Apparently someone slept there the previous night.
 I raised the bed sheets up to the sight of my nudity. 
Two plus two equals four. Just as it was so so easy for me to do the maths....
"Oh shit" I muttered. My years of sexual purity and abstinence crossed my mind. I felt like my effort has been wasted. Then  a thought crossed my mind. 
Who the hell did I just have sex with ?