Esperance - Episode 1

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Dear father, thank you for life, thank you for my little treasure, thank you for his dear dad, .. .... Why do you keep praying about dad? I blurted, what did you say mum asked, her eyes wide with shock. I continued, yes....why do you have to pray about him when its quite clear he is never coming back..  Why would you say that son? My eyes moistened, I blinked and looked away so mother wouldn't see me in tears. Mum got up from her knees and sat down on the bed, it was soft and had a black and white bed cover over the mattress, the wooden bed stands elevating it creaked under her weight as she sat... . come my my dear she said, reaching out. I held her hand, Still in my kneeling posture. With her other hand she stroked my hair and looking me in the face, she asked "what's the matter?" The nurturing look in her eyes weakened my rage..... Mother, I am fifteen , I am not even sure I know who my father is, I wouldn't even recognize him if I saw him by chance... In the streets, I walk by and I hear things, at school... She stopped me short.. Things like what! I kept mute. Placing her hand under my jaw she pulled my face towards hers.... Talk to me I am your mother. I turned to my right to free myself of her hold and was faced by a Mirror sticking proudly to the wall. I sure didn't want a glimpse of my face that early morning so I turned around as soon as possible..

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. Neil, she called, .. Now clasping my hand between two of hers. I feel rejected whenever you decide not the consider the fact that I am your mother who kept you alive inside of me for nine months., nurtured you and even now still taking care of you, I feel lost when I have the feeling you can't trust me , my whole life feels out of whack when you put me through this. How am I ever going to prove to you that I'm always there for you? How am I .... You could start by telling me where my father is! I retorted, tears ran down her chubby cheeks, she let go of my hand and wiped them with her thumbs while she nodded , saying " okay okay I'll tell you"  You know I always told you your dad sends you gifts and asks of you? I affirmed nodding.. They were never from him , I got all of those, she said avoiding my eyes. > You see your dad stopped reaching out to us when you were seven, the last time I ever heard from, he said he had a court case... He never told me what it was about , he always sounded withdrawn even during the phone calls every single time we talked. Whenever I asked about his activities he only manages to say he is still lopsided over there , trying to find his feet. I'm pretty sure you want an answer to your question of "where is he?" Well,.. I don't know. He left the country when you were five in search of better horizons. Never cared to tell where he was headed. He once talked about Texas. But one day , I called .... For so many time , and waited for an answer , none came. I waited by the phone as days ran into weeks and weeks into years hoping he'd call back she was staring into thin air without blinking .. No one eveeeeee...rrr callllled she lingered on the words as she broke into sobbes while saying I never heard from him again , even the number was never available too.  I straightened up, feeling remorse for reminding her of what she she had seemed to have gotten over or more likely tries to get over. I took her in my arms and in the most soothing voice I could find I said. Mum, its OK, you have to stop now... You know it wrecks my heart seeing you this way. I always knew the gifts were not from him I continued, I mean how could my dad even know my likes I said , caressing her back and I promise never to make you cry again , not now, not ever . okay? I crouched a bit so I could look into her face. My mother was fair and had the mist beautiful eye I've ever gazed into, even young girls could get jealous over her long curly lashes and thick brows, her cheeks were a little puffy, and between them a near pointed well fit nose, paving way for a beautifully modelled magenta coloured full lips. All of this in a soft enclosure of her round face, slimming down at her jaw with a big halo encircling her head as her hair...full and curly. I looked at her for a moment and with a smile said "mum, you really could make any man plunge into an epiphany of an entire lifetime wearing that queenly smile " ... While patting her cheeks as I kissed her temple. She smiled as I wiped off the tears and made to leave. And yes mum, don't bother about breakfast, I'll get it done I said as I turned to look around , her dressing table was at the far right side of the window facing the road. Some of her cloths were on the wrong array on the floor, one of which I guessed was her wedding dress. Not knowing why it was there... I'd rather not ask I thought . .. She already knew what I meant by darting my eyes around. Go now... I'll get it all glittery in a second.... Just as I was out the door... "We forgot to finish our prayers!" I heard or just maybe I thought I heard......

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