Esperance - Episode 4

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"What's up momma!" I shouted, walking through the door. It was unusually left unlocked. I kicked of my shoes and headed for the kitchen.. Hoping she was there, but to my utter dismay I met nothing but silence and no bodily presence. The human mind in its perfect gift of illusionary already gave me the fears of her being hurt. "Mother!" I yelled as I raced to her room.

It was locked, I knocked; even loud enough to Wake any soul . In a shaky voice she answered the door asking "who?" "Its me love, open up. Are you OK? Did anything happen? Mum ... Talk to me..are you hurt? alright... open the door first.. I said realizing I had asked too many questions in a minute without waiting for an answer to any of them. She opened up, one look at her, I could tell she had been crying for a long time. Her eyes were puffy and red. Her face was sullen and she looked like she had aged in a day. She turned to walk away but I drew her back into my arms. Seeing her in a condition like this solely breaks my heart . I held her to my chest , but she cried the more. "Shhhh, its OK sweetheart, I am here right now.

You can talk about what ever it is but first you have to stop crying. You know it hurts me more than ever to see you cry

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. She nodded, then wiped her tears. She made to talk but the tears came streaming again and spit choked her . I looked at her again, she was wearing her wedding dress, I had noticed just then. I freed her and took her by the hand, wewalked toward her bed, we sat down and before I could start off, she began, " my angel, I am tired.... "No mother, you can not d..... She cut my words off... And continued , I am tired of being the strong mother, I am tired of having hope, I am tired of believing, I think I am also tired of life itself.. Her last sentence frightened me, I looked into her eyes, mum... What did you just say? No ..love, tell me you don't mean that, how am I supposed to cope if you keep giving me vibes like this, how do I live if you don't give me any reason to.

You told me you would never leave me for the world , then why are you saying this? Mother please, whatever it is, we can handle it. I'm certain about that. You are better than this, you are way much better than the dreary face I see right now. She looked down, I raised her faced and continued, mother.. You know I'll do anything for you .. Right? She nodded in affirmation. No matter how terrible a mother you think you are, I just want you to know.... You are the best thing in my life. She smiled , saying " for now" I laughed and asked " what do you mean by that?! You'll fall in in love sooner or later and I'll become second in your life... I burst into laughter , mum you know better than that.. Love... And all its troubles.. Its a no for me. "Shut up Neil , everyone once said that but you never know when it happens.... And that's the beauty... She leaned closer and whispered "it sweeps you off your feet" "Then I rather brace myself" I joked... ...."you saw me in tears when you came back. I'm sorry about that. It was just that today is... Someday that even when I try very hard to forget.. It lingers. The memories never fade, there was so much happiness and smiles on my face... She sniffled, I wonder why it is that way". I took one of her hand. She gave me the other too.. "What day is it?" I asked.. She looked towards her dressing table, I followed her gaze....

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