Forgetting Yesterday - Episode 27

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Justin.

I always knew that I had to talk about this one day but that didn't make it easier.

Here goes.

"I met Mariah 5 years 7 months ago in one of my many missions, she was different, she was lovely, when I saw her I knew instantly that I wanted to make her mine."

********

Sandra.

I feel my heart break as he speaks, I had heard Magic and Justice quarrelling and I had come to investigate.

Was about to leave when they settled, when I heard justice tell Justin to spill I stopped.

I don't know why I stayed to listen, maybe I was a sucker and a masochist because I could not stop my self from listening.

I slide down on the floor my back to the wall as I listen.

"I met Mariah 5 years 7 months ago in one of my many missions, she was different, she was lovely, when I saw her I knew instantly that I wanted to make her mine."

He started.

"She was a dance instructor, she was Spontaneous, she lived in the moment, she was free, she was everything I wanted at that moment"

He laughs a little and my heart breaks.

I wanted him to feel like that with me, I really wanted that.

"We got talking and after a while I found out she was deaf, she could not hear, but what amazed me the most was that she did not let that stop her, she was a dance instructor! I mean who does that, she felt the music through the beat, she was awesome"
He says this, he says in a way that left nothing to the imagination.

He was amazed all over again.

"On our first date we went to her dance studio, we danced, it's was lit,.we started dating, we went out, we did things, soon I feel in love"

I could not hear any longer, I stood up silently and I left.

How can I compete with that?

The worse thing is that my competition isn't even alive.

******

Justin.

"On our first date we went to her dance studio, we danced, it's was lit,.we started dating, we went out, we did things, soon I feel in love"

I hear my self say.

"I just didn't know that  I was the only one in love"

"Wait I don't get it, I thought you said she was lovely?"

Julliet asks, I go to answer but Leila beats me to it.

"What Justin is trying to say julliet is that my sister was a stark raving lunatic and a b-tch"

"Leila , that's enough"

Leila mimes zipping her lips and I continue .

"She was lovely Jules, she really was but she just didn't know how to love me, soon we started fighting, it was just over little things.

Like, I didn't remember it's our 100th day together, I didn't know that her best color is red, I forgot to buy Chinese takeout when I was coming.

Even about things she didn't tell me about.

I was broken, I loved her and I was hurting her, I wanted to do the right thing by her so I ended it."

"You ended it?"

Kele asks, confused..

"Well I tried to, she wouldn't let me, she told me she loved me, told me she couldn't do without me, told me she was lost without me.

She told me all the things I wanted to hear, so I didn't break it up.

Infact things went back to normal, I was living the life, we were happy.

One day we came back from a date, it was raining, she loved the rain, we were making out and we started getting serious.

We had had s-x before that day but this day was different, she wanted more, I didn't, she told me she was on the pill, that I didn't need protection.

I believed her, in hind sight I should have seen it coming, I never saw her take any pills, I should have known what her game was.

I should have known that she thought she could keep me from ending things by getting pregnant.

So well,.we had s-x, 3 weeks later she started getting sick and started having mood swings.

We went to the doctor, he said she was 3 weeks along.

I was shocked, I really was but I was happy, she said she was happy too and wanted to keep the baby.

We started making plans, I bought the house on the beach because it was her dream house.

We made so much plans"

I stop for a breath.

"I even made plans of her seeing you justice, you and Dad and taking her to Mom.

We went to see her parents and her sister, I got their blessing.

There were talks of wedding after the baby was born.

Things were going fine and we were happy.

I should have known something was wrong, it was too good to be true.

When she was about 7 months along something happened, I came back from work one day on a weekend- I started the weekend routine with her- she was in the tub, the water was full to  the brim and she submerged her head inside.

Like she was literally drowning her self.

I was spooked, I took her to the hospital and a psychiatrist diagnosed her with bipolar disorder, she was prone to depression and mood swings.

The doctor also said her being deaf didn't help matters.

When asked why she did what she did, she said it was because she felt i wasn't giving her the attention she deserved, that she felt I loved the baby more than her.

I didn't know what to  do so I moved in with her, I mean at that time, justice was never around, julliet was in the States, our father hated my guts so it was pretty easy to move in with her.

After that things went back to normal, she was taking her pills, she was happy.

Before then we didn't know what the s-x of the baby would be, we just knew she was heavy, pretty heavy,we speculated that we might be having twins and that was it.

When the babies finally came i was shocked, imagine my surprise when the doctor brought in the triplets on a gurney, we were beyond our self with happiness.

She named Raine, after her love for rain and Styxx after the mythological river Styx, and I named Jew because well it was a form of my and Julliet's name 

We were content.

We went home and soon enough after the first 3 months the mood swings started.

She was just not content with what she was getting.

Constantly ignoring the babies, I came back from work one day to find her watching reruns of 2 broke girls while our babies were crying in their cot.

By then the doctor already diagnosed Jew of the disease and that Styxx was midly autistic and that Raine was OCD.

There were still too young to know but he had a strong feeling.

It was as if Mariah shared her personality to our children.

Still I was content, they were my kids.

After that incident with the babies I called in Leila to help, I really needed the hand, Mariah was not acting like a mother, at all.

When lay lay arrived things got a little better but soon Mariah started getting suspicious, she thought I was cheating on her with Leila.

I started getting fed up, the last straw was when I came back from work one day to see Jew bleeding from her head, she was 5 months by then,. Leila was not around.

I asked Mari what happened and she said that Jew, my sweet baby was jealous of her.

I got angry and flipped, what could a 5 month old baby do to a grown woman.

I said somethings that I am not proud of, called her selfish and obnoxious, that I wished she would just disappear.

At that time I was going through a hard time at work,my old boss was being an a-hole and the added stress of Mariah was not helping.

After my anger burned out I apologised because she seemed pretty shook by what I said, she said she forgave me.

She apologized too, saying she would never hurt our baby again and she was ready to be a good mother.

I should have known that was a facade she put up,.that night we had s-x, it felt deep, like I was seeing into her soul.

She cried after that and I held her close thinking it was because she was overwhelmed by the feelings.

I woke up in the middle of the night and I instantly knew something was wrong, Mariah was not in the bed.

I searched for her in our apartment but I didn't find her 

Leila joined me, I went to her studio that night and I saw the lights were on, I entered and I saw my wife looking broken as she bled out from her slashed wrist.

She left a note saying that she wasn't good enough a mother for our kids and she will always be jealous, she apologized for hurting me and that she loved me, she wrote that she wanted to be buried underneath a tree so that in the future when our kids came to visit they will be able to shout their pain or laugh their happiness into her.

She promised that she will hear us and would shower her flowers on us when we do so."

I take a deep breath, my voice suddenly breaking at that last point.

"So you see how I sent my wife to her death? I might as well have killed her"

"Justin, you didn't kill Mariah, she was a selfish person that only though of her self till the very end"

Leila says and I don't say a word.

Getting this off my chest feels good.

Refreshing.

"I kept the kids away because I got so used to them, to having them to my self, I always said I would bring them home when Jules arrived but I could not bring my self to do it, I was selfish....I..."

"It's ok Justin, it's really fine, we totally understand"

Julliet says with tears in her eyes.

"You've been through a lot guardian, am so sorry for what happened to you"

Magic says and I nod.

Justice nods at me and I know he is trying to work out his feelings.

I don't say anything, I just let my words settle.

It feels good to finally admit the truth.

AN

So let me just say that I hope we all know depression is a silent killer.

You know anybody prone to mood swings and depression?
Please take them to a psychiatrist.

Please don't forget to like rate and comment.
Lots of comments please.

Thank you.

All episodes of this story can be found here >> https://www.ebonystory.com/story/forgetting-yesterday

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Read " The God And His Bride " by the same author ( Bebe Ernest )