My Diary My Thoughts

Bottling up hurt and anger without telling someone has been the most difficult thing I have never stopped myself from doing. I always run to my friends to express how hurt and sad I am at least to feel relieved but it was never as expected. I was always judged even without talking, their body language and signs tells it all.

I know you will laugh and ask yourself if this girl is okay; how I will expect to tell someone something without being judged but nah come out from that thinking, I just need a pat on the back before the judgment.

I heaved a sigh of relief as I finally found an empty class; I entered inside and sat at the far end of the class. I like staying in a quiet place before writing in my diary . I zipped open my backpack and brought out my small book; the small book that knows my entire secret, I call it my Bestie.

The only thing that listens to me, hear me cry and allow me pour out my heart without the fear of being judged or it leaking my secrets; I always hold it tight to avoid it entering the wrong hand.

I packed my blonde hair in dough and allowed tears stream down my face freely; I never made an attempt to stop it from flowing.

Slipping open the book I began to write; “Hey Bestie, it’s been a long time we talked and here I am now to tell you how hurt and confused I am ………….”

I closed the book quickly and raised my head sharply cleaning my tear stained face as I heard some footsteps approaching the class.

I plaster a smile on my face as I see my friends walk into the class. “Here you are and we have been looking all over for you” Judy asks walking closer to me with Chelsy following closely behind.

I feared opening my mouth because my voice might betray me that I have been crying.

I just smiled again and nod my head. Chelsy just looked at me without emotions in her eyes; permit me to say I hate and like her. There are moments I feel like strangling her but that has never been in my nature.

She acts like she doesn’t care but cares only when you are in deep trouble.  I just ignored her stare to avoid getting the murderous thoughts in my mind again; I just hate her attitude. 

Judy noticed the tense look in my eyes and steeped in; I like her but I hate something’s about her too.

Crazy right, how will I call some people my friends yet I hate them

“I need to attend to something; I will come home later” I hear myself say and they nod

Chelsy left without a word as much as a backward glance, I knew she noticed the tears on my face but never cares to ask; she believes that being emotional or crying is for the weak.

Judy followed suite flaring her gown, she does that whenever she feels her clothe is beautiful but actually this one is old and worn out but who am I to tell her about it; she hates negative comments

I swallowed my comments 

Maybe my time at Kenedum Psychiatric has clouded my judgment; I feel safe only with my diary, clutching my backpack I wore my cap and trudged slowly out of the class

************ 

The end

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